How I wrote Harry's funeral speech

On Oct. 9, I lost my father Harry. After a short illness, he passed away at the age of 90. He was a wonderful father who I will miss dearly. The days following his passing were a roller coaster of emotions. So much to arrange: a funeral card, a grave, a farewell service. And always that big grief which makes you much less productive than you would really like.

When all the practical things were taken care of there came space to think about my funeral speech. Very cleansing for me as a presentation coach to feel the pressure that many of my clients feel. What memories will I choose to share and will the words I choose do full justice to who my father was? I felt another charge: "A church full of people will soon be listening to the speech of the son who writes speeches for others, the son who spends thousands of hours on stages as a daytime speaker and comedian."

I decided to honor my father with three stories. Three stories that highlighted his talents and fine qualities. I began my writing process by determining which 3 traits of my father I wanted to highlight.

I used the following structure to do so.

Step 1: A story.

I told three short visual stories about my father. I told them in the present tense as if the event took place at that moment, stories full of details. Details are important because they allow your audience to be in the place of the story with you. I mentioned names, places, years and other "unimportant-important details." Details that make people see for themselves what is happening. I paid close attention to tension building. Each of the three stories had a riddle or challenge at the beginning. From there, I worked toward the twist. That could be a lesson or a funny outcome.

After telling the first story, I went to the 2nd step:

Step 2: Why this story, what does it teach us about Harry?

In Step 2, I named my father's trait or talent that spoke from this story. I talked about its effect on me and on other people. I showed how he used this talent as a father, as a professional or as a resident of our village.

In the third step, I looked at meaning.

Step 3: Why I am telling you this.

In the final step, I looked at the greater importance of this trait or talent. What did it get him to do or what positive effect did it have on me or those around him. I let the listeners know how I will take this lesson from him into my life and in turn pass it on to my three children.

I repeated the above steps 3 times. With each separate story, I followed the above steps.

1-2-3 / 1-2-3 / 1-2-3. I concluded my 12-minute speech with a brief summary of the lessons and a thank you to my father. The summary also revealed the connection between the three stories. This is not always necessary. Your stories may also be completely separate.

In my very last words I returned to the first story. With that, my audience felt: the circle is complete. "He started with this and now he is here again."

That's a nice natural ending.

In this speech by Steve Jobs, he uses the same principle.

"Today I want to tell you three stories from my life.

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That you should write a funeral speech in the spirit of the deceased is proven here by John Cleese at the funeral of his Monty Python colleague Graham Chapman in December 1989.

For those who miss Barack Obama's speeches, check out the funeral speech he gave in October 2019 at Elijah Cummings' funeral here.